To be honest…

My work ethic is still really shitty. I feel like I’ve dropped the ball on so many projects so many times. Unfinished comic pages, one-year wait times on commissions, forgotten donation gifts, etc.

There are only so many times you’re allowed to fuck something up before people stop giving you the opportunity to do so in the future. So try not to fuck up.

Henry Rollins: The One Decision that Changed My Life Forever

My philosophy of saying “yes” to things when they come my way stems from the wisdom I’ve learned from this man, Henry Rollins.

I spent the 1990s is a fog of confusion, depression, self-doubt, and suicidal ideation. Gender dysphoria was the cherry on top of the working-class life I grew up in. I was not as sharp as Hank though. I had no interest in the real world, the America™. I just wanted five consecutive minutes to not hate every fiber of my being so that I could focus on doing something creative for a bit. It took me until I was thirty years old before I managed to resolve my gender identity issues enough to be able to go do some of the things my peers had already done a decade earlier.

I’ve regressed a bit over the last five years due to no steady income, overwhelming student loan debt, and social isolation. The self-doubt returned. The depression returned. I know that the most the America™ will likely ever offer me is a minimum wage job at probably an arts and crafts store, a shitty apartment, and no friends. When I was younger, I always wondered how people wound up working such shit jobs in their 40s and 50s. How badly had they fucked up to be in that position? Well, now I know.

I persevere by staying focused on the things that matter to me: being creative, keeping my mind sharp and my body fit. I push myself to keep drawing my comics better each day, and to cultivate a solid work ethic. I’ve been drawing and telling stories since I was old enough to take a crayon to paper. This is what I want to do in my life, and I’m incredibly fortunate that I am doing it.

I’ve been handed a lottery ticket of sorts with this invitation to attend SDCC next week. I don’t know what will come of it, but I will do what I can to make it work for me. And if all goes well, in the future I’ll be able to make it work for others who want to make their dreams of writing and drawing stories come true.

If it doesn’t happen, I guess there will always be retail. And what a drag that would be.

I’m a big fan of Henry Rollins, and when I saw this comic of his words, I wanted to put it on my Tumblr.
Were it not for the kindness of my mom, who is letting me stay in my old room, I’d likely be homeless. I’d have no way to draw the comics I do every day, or get them online. I’m doing what I love to do only because of the generous help of others, and I’m very aware of that fact. So many thank-yous go out to every one of you who has helped me in some way or another to realize my potential. If I ever “make it” (whatever that means), I fully intend to pay this kindness forward by extending opportunities to others as best I can.
(via Zen Pencils)

I’m a big fan of Henry Rollins, and when I saw this comic of his words, I wanted to put it on my Tumblr.

Were it not for the kindness of my mom, who is letting me stay in my old room, I’d likely be homeless. I’d have no way to draw the comics I do every day, or get them online. I’m doing what I love to do only because of the generous help of others, and I’m very aware of that fact. So many thank-yous go out to every one of you who has helped me in some way or another to realize my potential. If I ever “make it” (whatever that means), I fully intend to pay this kindness forward by extending opportunities to others as best I can.

(via Zen Pencils)

These two drawings were done a month apart, but the difference in style is huge. I’m glad I keep pushing myself to improve my art.

Gabor is supposed to be buff, but in the old drawing he looks like a schlubby pud with indigestion. In the new one, he looks more like how I imagine him: a slim, muscular guy who cares about his looks.

That’s all I can do.

Keep making shitty stuff until it stops being shitty, but don’t make it on autopilot. Try new things. Break rules. Fuck around. Have fun.

I’ve made improvements in my art over the last sixteen years. On occasion, I’ve even made a few things which I feel have that something I typically lack in my art. (Examples include Brienne, P&M, WTF?, Arcee.) There is no shortcut to finding that spark which makes okay art into something better. To quote a Nine Inch Nails song title: The way out is through.